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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Who writes the rules?

How do we define the word friend and why is that we only extend the hand of friendship to a few?
Why is it that in some situations we don’t use the word acquaintance when that’s probably what we really mean?

Why aren’t all fellow human beings seen as our friend? Is this because friends don’t hurt us and others who aren’t friends do?
Who writes the rules?

Why do some people call us friend when we don’t feel comfortable calling them friend?

I could have a go at answering these questions and I’m confident we wouldn’t all agree with my answers. What we would all agree is that we'll imagine an answer that we believe to be true, because we write the rules.

We are our own worst enemy and our own best friend.

Be kind to yourself.




32 COMMENTS~THANK YOU:

Holly said...

That's very true. For me, the words define my sense of personal commitment and intimacy to the other. And, you're correct, we write the rules. Or, sometimes have to live by the other's rule of engagement. Interesting questions, Ribbon! Very.

The Wife O Riley said...

That is completely true! I am my own best friend, but we're not on speaking terms right now.

beth said...

we do write the rules don't we ?
at least our own rules...
and your question is going to be with me today while I spend the day with "friends"...eating and shopping and being silly :)

valeria said...

I agree with Holly. But more than rules I think it's just the "feeling"... feeling somebody closer than another, for different reasons. And shared history, that's pretty much my way.
thank you for your nice comment on my last post, I am glad you enjoyed it!

Comedy Goddess said...

Wonderful! Can't think of a thing to add! Well done.

Pyzahn said...

Hmmm, so many thoughts. Honestly I see friendship as a gift (and a treasure) and I don't give (or receive) that designation freely.

But then again there are "levels" of friendship. The friend you wave to in passing at the grocery store. The friend whose company you relish. The friend you would do anything for and know she would do anything for you.

I think how we treat people is more important than the labels we give them.

lakeviewer said...

So perceptive of you; love these reveries.

Lori ann said...

Dear Ribbon,
That is the best advice, be kind to yourself ☺
I'm glad to call you my friend.

xoxo
Lori

Judi FitzPatrick said...

Great questions to ponder, thank you!
Peace, Judi

La Belette Rouge said...

Very thoughtful reverie. You got me thinking....acquaintance fits so many people I know who I call friends as it feels rude to name it like it is. I am often no friend to myself. If I treated others like I treated myself I would have no friends.

Citizen of Earth said...

A friend
Is one of those "other people"
Whom I cannot stand
Until I've gotten to know them

Of course not everyone
Wants to know me...

But my door is always open

As for the internet;
Facebook
Myspace
Instant messenger
And the like

My son has an expression for myspace users
Which I rather like

They’re not all your friends
They’re just names on a list

For me
It’s the dialog

The exchange of ideas
Is what begins it…

After that
Friendship takes on a life of it’s own

Snowbrush said...

Yes, be kind to myself. Sounds like a plan.

carma said...

beautifully written and well said!

Bimbimbie said...

True and I'm reminded of the saying

To have friends, first be a friend

which always leaves me wondering why we loose that spontaneity of making friends as we did when we were children *!*

kj said...

interesting questions, ribbon. i have many friends, all ages, all backgrounds, all locations. among them, a few are or become 'special', that is i am committed to them and they to me. we will watch eachother's back and care for eachother's welfare.

i am deep into loving. and i must say blogging has expanded my ability to say 'i love you' so much more easily. i have some 'blog' friends who mean the world to me. and some where i feel real pain because i don't know how i will ever see their eyes, hug them, witness their smiles....

xoxo

kj said...

ribbon! i have to comment again! you left me a comment just now at the exact time i was leaving you a comment. i take that to mean something good.

i just wanted to tell you that.

xoxo
kj

Beth P. said...

One of my spiritual teachers says, 'The job of our spiritual friend is to insult us.'

Not the 'real' parts of us, of course. But the false senses of self.

Thanks for your post--

Wildly Cam said...

Holy shiz, Ribbon.

This is so relevant to my day today. You have no idea.

But thank you for making me question my feelings on this.

I so needed that!

:)

Baino said...

You're a tease. Now I'm thinking about my friendships and the value I place on them. I have people I've never met who I refer to as 'friends' and people I've known all my life who remain acquaintances. Actually, I have no rules. Friends remain. Acquaintances don't.

human being said...

i love this post a lot... the way it intrigues the mind... asks questions...
and questions are quests...

and all the comments added lots of new light and beauty to the theme...

what Bobbb (Citizen of Earth) says is absolutely true..
"Friendship takes on a life of it’s own"



friend is a journey... that's why it can have lots of faces and ups and downs...

when you start a journey you don't know the way... just perhaps some information gathered here and there... then you go on and see and experience for yourself...

when someone calls you friend and you don't feel s/he is a friend, that's perhaps because s/he has started the jounery ealier than you...
:D

perhaps it's a wish... s/he wants to know you and your world...

perhaps... s/he wants to disperse the atmosphere of enmity that rules in many places...

perhaps...

no surely... s/he is just a human being... and s/he feels and knows sharing is all...


love you, friend... a lot!

Suldog said...

As Pogo (a comic strip possum popular in the states, in case you don't know) once said, "We have met the enemy, and he is us!"

Renee said...

Well said Ribbon.

Excellent post.

Love Renee xoxoxo

lori vliegen said...

i totally agree! i just wish that i were my own best friend more times than i'm my own worst enemy!! thanks for visiting my blog....great to see you there! :)

Ribbon said...

I am your friend when I am my own friend and vice versa

best wishes to you all and thank you for what you've shared here.
you are inspiring.

Ribbon

studio lolo said...

What gets me is how the term 'best friend' is thrown around. Some people have a million best friends then!
I think we can have more than one friend that means the world to us because each friend brings something different to our life experience. No one can be everything to anyone.

I'm amazed at the new friendships I've made in blogland. And I know a few of them are deep and meaningful as if we've known each other forever. It's a beautiful thing!

I forget the exact wording of something you wrote in the beginning, but it's sort of "...is that why friends can't hurt us and strangers can?"
I find the opposite to be true. Only those I deeply care about have the ability to hurt me. Strangers don't mean enough to me to care about what they think about me.

This was a wonderful post! I've seen you on Renee's and KJ's blogs...two of my dear new friends ;)

Mo said...

Rules schmules

Deborah said...

Hello! Pleased to meet you. Thank you for stopping by my little desert abode. I did not creat the Renee birthday badge. The incredibly talented person who designs Renee's headers did it for her birthday. But I think every day is Renee day...I have mine linked to Renee's blog, so it is just like and advertizing blinkie! Now, I'm off to visit YOU! **blows kisses** Deborah

Indrani said...

I guess we write it ourselves.
Lovely thought provoking post. :)

♥ Braja said...

Unfortunately it's true, most people do write their own rules. And that's where the failure comes in....But there are universal laws of dealing and relationship and exchanges, and if we're sincere we'll find those, learn them, and benefit from them. And that is because people listen to their own minds so much; that ties in with your last line, as the eastern philosophies tell us that the mind is either the best friend or the worst enemy, depending on whether it's controlled by one's intelligence and soul, or whether it's allowed to run free and think it is in charge... :)

Eddie Bluelights said...

Words of wisdom indeed, Ribbon.
Hmm! We live in an imperfect word. I call it "Cosmos Diabolicus", where true friendships are spoiled sometimes by the ways of the world. So unfortunately intentions sometimes get distorted and misunderstood. Also we are 'trained' from our childhood to be competitive, ruthless, unforgiving, beligerant and selfish. It is remarkable we have any friends at all really. As you can see I am back from my exile on St Helena. Nice to be back, if perhaps for a short stay ~ Best wishes. Eddie

sallymandy said...

Lovely post and intriguing thoughts.

I don't know who writes the rules, either. My daughter (who's 12) sometimes wants me to rank my "friends" in order of who's my best friend and who's not a best friend. And who's an acquaintance. I get all wrapped around the axle. The idea that we are our own best and worst friend is very true in my experience.

Thank you.

julie70 said...

We write the rules, and our own culture and history has a word in it too, how true.

For myself, friend is that which is always with me, even if she does not agree (and says so) because it is me who am her friend. Who never betries me and on whom (on a certain extent) we can rely and reach out to listen.

I had some, still have one, the others died alas.

We can reach us to others, lots of others in a friendly way, that does not make them our friends, in my own opinion, of course.

It is good to open questions and let (so many!!!) others, answer, their own view.

Great blog!